The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

In April 1895 Wilde was brought to court charged with indecency and sodomy. Charles Gill, a schoolmate of Wilde's and the prosecutor in the case, asked him "What is the love that dare not speak its name?" Wilde's impromptu response was:

"The Love that dare not speak its name" in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man, as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you may find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as the "Love that dare not speak its name," and on account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an elder and a younger man, when the elder man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it."

(Source: Wilde 1997)

I read Wilde quite intensively after returning to the bay area, including his fairy tales, novels, plays and the long letter he wrote to Boise when in prison. His works are flooded with the joy of youth and the desperation of affections. His fairy tales for instance, show beautiful but dreary love that the nightingale's holding for the young students, so as the swallow's love for the happy prince. Youth, no matter how glorious it can be, will be gone one day, just like love will finally fade in vain. With this in mind, it's not too difficult to understand his crush on Boise, the "Lily Prince" who did nothing but destroy his career, then his reputation and life.

Genius are more or less crazy. They need distinctive lifestyles to get inspirations. Being a selfish giant to his wife and children, Wilde indulged in the love with Boise, even though he fully understood that he could be ruined by the relationship, as mentioned in De Profundis. He embraced temptation, eulogized uncertainty, admired romance and let emotions lead him astray. He led a extravagant life with Boise, enjoyed the beauty and roman, but also suffered from the endless fights. Though having tried from time to time, Wilde never succeeded in ending the relationship. He was infatuated with Boise's look for sure - Boise was very pretty, but I think what truly attracted Wilde was the desperation of loving this capricious and vain boy: for Wilde, what can be more beautiful than "dying for his love with the thorn in his heart". (Source: The Nightingale and the Rose) Even after the two-year jail life and that furious long letter to Boise, Wilde gave up all his resolution of ending the relationship when he saw Boise, and spent another three months with him. No record was found about what happened during that time, all we know was that Wilde finally left Boise wounded and tired, and spent the rest of his life in Paris. As Wilde said, there are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. A tragedy, is the best summary of the love that dare not speak its name between Boise and him.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Perhaps Wilde is one of those who never get satisfactions from ordinary life, - or in his words, "tedious life"; and the joy of looking at the stars may ease his pain of standing in the gutter.